This is a follow-up to the last post.  I was going to write a follow-up earlier, but things keep changing. A quick recap of the last post.  I was feeling sick, having some pain, and symptoms for a few years, but my doctor never referred me to a specialist.  We moved, I found a new doctor and saw a couple of specialists. The GI doctor wanted to rule out a few things so one of the tests performed was a colonoscopy. This found a large tumor in my rectum. I did not specify where in the previous blog, but I have nothing to hide. It is better to talk about things than keep things hidden. The last post left off with me waiting on the biopsy results so I could schedule the surgery.

The last blog post was titled "Fear of the Unknown". So what did I do while waiting on the biopsy results? Well, I tried to not think about it.  I did a poor job of that. I hid my real thoughts from my wife and son because I did not want them to worry. On the outside I was my normal self. On the inside, I was freaking out a little. One other thing I did was get another tattoo. I have two tattoos from when I was 18-19 years old. One of the Death of Superman logo, and the other is a Chinese symbol (I was 18, cut me some slack). Both these tattoos are on my upper arms. The new tattoo is on my forearm and it is a full-color Superman logo. I have wanted it for years and decided now was a great time to get it.

I have had numerous tests and scans since then. I had a liver ultrasound and an abdominal CT scan. The CT scan found a few things, such as a hiatal hernia, but nothing major. The biopsy results came back, and the biopsy was benign (not cancerous). My GI doctor never contacted me. Not after the ultrasound results came in. Not after the CT scan results came in. Not after the biopsy results came in. His office kept promising he would contact me, but he never did. He still hasn't. It is so difficult to find a quality doctor.

I contacted a surgeon since I knew I would need to have surgery. I met with the surgeon a couple of weeks ago. The GI doc was slightly off on the location of the tumor, not by a lot, but enough to make a huge difference in the surgery needed. The surgeon wanted me to have a pelvic MRI to get a better idea of the location and size of the tumor. He told me that depending on the location of the tumor there were three surgical options.

1. Remove the tumor through the "back door". This is the least invasive and the best-case scenario.
2. Laparoscopic - This is the second-best scenario. A few incisions in the stomach area, some long fancy tools, and the tumor is removed.
3. The tumor is too close to the "exit" and some parts would be removed.  I would need to use a colostomy bag for the rest of my life. Out of the three options, this is the worst, by a large margin.

Thankfully my wife works with doctors and was able to get me an MRI fairly quickly. The results came back extremely quickly as well.  I looked at the results, did some Googling, and learned some new terms. Did you know that "anal verge" is a thing? Neither did I, but I learned about it. If I ever start a band I think "Anal Verge" will be the name.

I had my post-MRI follow-up with the surgeon today and he went over the results of the MRI. The first thing he said is that the tumor is almost certainly cancerous. Remember how I said things kept changing? This is one of those things. I was not too afraid when he said cancer because I remembered the MRI results said the lymph nodes were normal, the tumor was just in the muscle, and it was not intertwined with any major blood vessels. If you are going to be told you have, or might have cancer, it is great to know beforehand that it is isolated and not wrapped around blood vessels. The major question I had was what type of surgery would be required, or, more importantly, whether would I need to use a colostomy bag for the rest of my life. He said it is very unlikely I will need to use a colostomy bag forever. He is unable, at this time, to say which of the first two options for surgery he can do. I need one more scope for that. Thankfully he has an opening tomorrow morning (the day after my follow-up appointment). If I need the laparoscopic surgery, I will need to use a colostomy bag for 6-8 weeks, and that I can deal with.

You may be asking why I am being so open about my health issues and I have numerous reasons for that. One, I need to get things off of my chest. I told you that I hide my true thoughts and feelings from my wife and son, so this is my outlet. Second, if my being open and honest about health scares, worrying, and whatever else I say in this blog can help one person then I am happy to share. Finally, we do not need to hide our problems from everyone. We do not need to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders.

The below lyrics, from my favorite artist, sum up my past month or so.

A lot of people ask me, am I afraid of death?
Hell yeah, I'm afraid of death
I don't want to die yet

Eminem, "Still don't give a fuck"